I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in February, 2012. I joined an estimated 2,500,000 around the world who have MS, a group I never expected to be a member of. I had spent two years in a constant battle with fatigue blaming it on everything from being a woman to being old. (I’m only 42 by the way) It seems as women we tend to blame everything on one of those two things, age or our gender. I realize now I had my first episode when I was sixteen! MS does effect women more than men at a ratio of 2:1 however, being a woman is not the cause of this incurable disease.
During the past few months I have taken off work to try to rebuild my life around MS without it destroying everything I have worked so hard for. I suppose after having a good month false pretenses set in that I had kicked this thing and was back to “normal” but lately it has risen its ugly head to remind me it is never going away … until a cure is found. The numbness, weakness and overall lack of mental focus makes it extremely difficult to just survive a normal day. Sometimes the fatigue is so bad it seems it takes all my energy just to breathe.
One of the common complaints I read constantly is that “people just don’t understand” and I share that complaint. However, if you are not faced with an illness can you really understand it? I believe the difficulty lies in the fact that “we look just fine” … on the outside but on the inside our bodies are simply raging a war. There are so many strange symptoms and they can change from one second to the next. I can’t understand it … how can I expect others to fully “get it”?
I find myself saying I’m fine when I’m not just to avoid the advice of what I should do. I should go on disability, I should exercise, I should eat this or that or take this or that or just lay down and die. God love their hearts, they really mean well but it doesn’t help. I find myself hiding within the walls of my home and my mind to attempt to deal with it on my own because talking about it doesn’t really seem to help. I end up feeling like I have had to defend that I feel bad or I have to listen to their problems with their own issues. From warts to hemorrhoids I have listened to it all!
Now that I have gone back to work as a respiratory therapist, again I’m having to miss shifts because I can barely function at home on some days much less take care of others. This is not how I envisioned my life. I have always been such a driven person. Driven to succeed and reach for more has been a way of life for me. I am at a cross roads of what to do again. My dream for years has been to work with Organ Donation and I have made it through the interviews and waiting to see if I am chosen for the job. Part of my brain says “don’t take on anything new, stick to what you know because your mind will get worse and so will your body” but the other part of my brain says … “go for it because you can make a difference and you can overcome”. Which part of my brain do I listen to?
I have always had a great faith in God and that has become even stronger with this battle. I have become very good at leaving it in God’s hands and “letting Jesus take the wheel” but of course I still have moments of wanting to drive this bus myself. Is this dream too big for me now? Is my life really over? Is this as good as it gets? All those questions ramble around in my head a million times a day.
While those thoughts ramble, I continue to look for natural ways to keep my symptoms at bay, at least tolerable. I have a regiment of supplements and vitamins that I take on a daily basis and am always looking for things that really help. Please comment with any advice you may have on something you have found to help. I would love to have a great support group right here on The Inner Diva Blog for all of us who either suffer or love someone who suffers from MS or any chronic illness. We can learn and support each other and keep our dreams alive!
I am committed to bringing awareness to Multiple Sclerosis and admire those who have taken a stand. Montel Williams, Jack Osborne, Clay Walker and many others have taken massive steps to bring awareness and fight for a cure. I believe together we can begin our own crusade right here! Let’s put our heads together and find a way we can make a difference! Let’s keep our dreams alive by fighting for a cure.
I have found a great resource in the following online sites so I wanted to take a moment to share those with you. The online support group, I Hate Multiple Sclerosis is a fantastic Facebook page that is for sharing thoughts and inspiration for those fighting this illness. These are people who make me feel normal because they too experience the same issues as I do. The National Multiple Sclerosis Society is also a huge help to anyone who suffers or knows someone who suffers from this disease. I urge you all to educate yourself on everything about living with MS. Support the efforts of the MS Society to promote awareness and find a cure.
I am not sure why it took me so long to find the Live Strong Community, maybe my lack of mental focus? I have found it today and have read through all they have to offer. I would love to hear your thoughts on their site and on many of the tools they have to live a healthier lifestyle. Maybe we can start using them together!I can use all the support I can get and I am sure if you feel like me, you can too!
Let’s start our very own movement toward a cure! What can we do? What should we name it? I am thinking DAMeS, Diva’s Against Multiple Sclerosis! You may have something even better so please comment! I can not wait to hear your thoughts!
As always, be blessed with success!
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